Oh, the joys of having twin babies. And oh, the struggles of having twin babies. There is not a greater feeling than bringing home healthy twin babies from the hospital and watching them grow and interact and develop a special twin bond, along with their loving gazes, coos, smiles and eventually giggles, at you and at each other. Ah, that fresh baby smell – x two! Baby cuddles – x two! Smiles, love, giggles, fun – x two! You get to watch two tiny humans grow from helpless infants to fun, giggling, curious little babbling tots full of personality that first year. It is an incredible joy. You’ll also get to embark on some major self discovery and watch yourself develop as a person and a mother while overcoming challenges you never thought possible. Your threshold tolerance of crazy and busy and stress and noise will expand to levels you never knew possible, like a video game where you get through the standard course and then uncap levels or lands that you didn’t even know existed. Your multitasking and problem solving and determination and grit and patience and love will also expand to levels you didn’t know you were capable of, and that too is a wonderful feeling.
That said, there is not a worse feeling than the delirium that comes from sleep deprivation and exhaustion, a body healing after carrying two babies, a mind riddled with new worries and anxieties and fears and questions and self doubt, trying to learn double of everything on the fly, figuring out the twins’ differences, constantly questioning yourself, feeling isolated because most people can’t relate, and just flat-out trying to survive so many new aspects of life while maintaining your physical and mental health, marriage, relationships, finances, and possibly career. Daytime/nighttime feedings – x two! Diaper changes and blowouts – x two. Sick babies – x two. Childcare costs – x two. Laundry – x 100. It is a lot. And people who can’t relate will casually give unsolicited advice and commentary. And you can’t respond to every comment that it’s twins, and it’s different, and it’s like 10 times the work in actuality, because people just don’t get it, and no other mom wants to hear it, and it’ll appear snarky or condescending or heaven forbid, competitive. You’ll question yourself. You’ll tell yourself you’re not enough and that it shouldn’t be this hard (Spoiler alert: It is that hard.) Your marriage will be tested. Your body will feel foreign for a long time. You’ll cry. You’ll probably say some stupid stuff at 3am to your spouse. You’ll think, “What have I gotten myself into?!” And then you’ll cry with guilt for thinking it or wishing time away.
With its highs and lows, laughter and tears, exhaustion and adrenaline, the first year is definitely one of survival. And trust us when we say: IT GETS BETTER. Read on for practical tips for surviving the first year, some basics on what to expect, how to prepare, certain milestones to look for and when, must-have products to make life simpler, ideas for scheduling and routines, and a lot of encouragement to know you’re not in this alone. You might be worried about falling, but my darling… What if you fly? Twin motherhood was chosen for you. You’ve got this. It really is the hardest yet best thing. So here we go.
First Week home:
Maybe it’s the adrenaline. Maybe it’s the caffeine. Maybe it’s the help that you have lined up. Maybe it’s the floating along in a blissfully ignorant state, but somehow, someway, you’ll make it through this first week relatively unscathed. Here’s what you need to know the first week home –
Rest: Let your body heal. You just grew two humans and delivered them into this crazy world! You are amazing! Take advantage of help, and allow your body sufficient rest (and in weeks to come). Depending on your delivery method, you’ll have certain restrictions (longer for a c-section), so do NOT overdo it! You’re healing physically, your hormones are whack as you’re processing a ton emotionally, you’re likely producing milk (which, actually makes you a real Dairy Queen ;)), and ah yes, you now have two humans completely dependent on you. Three, including your husband. And possibly more if you have other kids. So REST!
Set boundaries: You will need help. And people are enamored with twins. This can create the perfect storm of visitor overload. And not all “helpers” are helpful. So be brave, and set boundaries. (You can have a friend help you with this, your husband, your mom – whomever!) We had to learn this the hard way, and I finally broke down. Our privacy had dwindled to nothing, I was exhausted and overwhelmed. It was too much small talk. Too much people pleasing. Too much scheduling. Just too much. I was incredibly grateful, but it was just too much too soon. So set boundaries early on to set an expectation going forward, and know the boundaries can evolve as your needs evolve too!
Make your home work for you: Hopefully, you prepared as much as possible ahead of your delivery to set up your home to deal with the constant needs of infant twins. But like all practice rounds or dress rehearsals, nothing is quite like the real thing. So, give yourself some grace if it’s not perfect at first and take note of where your time is spent, where there’s pinch points, and where you need to stash things to make your life easier. And slowly start to make adjustments. When we arrived home, I remember thinking, “How did I think I was so prepared?! This isn’t working at all!” and it stressed me out. I did a total overhaul of feeding stations, a diaper changing station and bins on the main floor with fresh onesies. Do what works for you. And don’t stress when it feels “off” at first – having infant twins is a learn-as-you-go, work-in-progress, let’s survive the day type of scenario. 🙂
Set first week doctor appointment: Your pediatrician (or a doctor from the same practice) likely visited you in the hospital and set this appointment up for you! But know that this is coming that first week home where they’ll discuss how you’re doing and do weights on the babies to see if they’ve reached their birth weights yet. Be open and honest with your doctor and address any concerns you have regarding you or the babies.
Take pictures: This goes for the entire first year. If you’d like to remember it, document it! Because the blur of infant twins is real, and it’s crazy to think that moments and days that feel like an eternity as you’re battling through them will become a distant, foggy memory at best.
Prepare for what’s to come: The best is yet to come, and babe won’t that be fine… You think you’ve seen the sun, but you ain’t seen it shine… Just remember, it does get better. It’s hard. And you’re not alone. In the next few days, weeks and months you will be pushed to the limit, exhausted and worn out. You’ll also experience so much joy. So give yourself a glance in the mirror and tell yourself you’re awesome. Here’s some quick tips for preparing for what’s to come (which don’t have to be done in the first week, but just some ideas to get you thinking):
- Schedule the first year of Doctor’s appointments
- Set up a help schedule
- Record feedings/changings – it seems crazy, but you will not always remember who fed last or who was wet or dirty, and these are imperative to recall for the health of the babies as well as your sanity as you try to navigate the day
- Review expectations with your partner
- Have meals delivered/prepared – utilize a Meal Train or grocery delivery service and have plenty of freezer meals or ready-to-go options available
- Protect thy nipples – breastfeeding can be quite uncomfortable at first (x two!) so get them ready for lots of action.
0 – 3 Months: (in addition to first week home)
What did we get ourselves into? Am I doing this right?! Will we ever sleep again? Everyone is telling me to enjoy it, but I’m exhausted. My body hurts. Please tell me this gets better. Crazy enough, the days and moments that seem to drag on and on will barely scratch the surface of your memory. So it’s easy to say enjoy it, gets lots of baby cuddles, give yourself grace, soak in the fresh baby scent and don’t sweat the small stuff (and it’s all good to keep in mind). But having said that, these are hard days. Long days. Foggy days. You’re giving everything to two tiny, dependant, unscheduled, non-sleeping humans that will happily take as much as you’re willing to give without giving much of anything in return for weeks. And then finally! You’re looking at one, and their eyes meet yours, and they brighten. They hold their gaze. They smirk. They coo.They know you. It’s the tiniest, most subtle way they let you know you’re doing a good job. And just like that, you get a little glimmer of optimism. A shot of adrenaline. A push to keep going. It does get better. But right now you’re in the trenches. Welcome to 0-3 Months. A time of unthinkable joy with unbelievable exhaustion, transition and learning. Read on for some tips to enjoy this time and get you through.
Accept help: You’ll need it. You’ll need lots of it. Set up a schedule with trusted helpers to allow you to rest and stay on top of household chores. (See also: First week home – Set Boundaries). Help can be someone sitting with babies while you catch a quick nap or shower, someone to help clean or do some housework, and meal assistance. Get in the habit of saying yes. At least for now. It’s so counterintuitive to what we’re used to, but people that offer to help genuinely want to help.
Never be embarrassed if you’re feeling overly down, anxious or overwhelmed. This is completely normal; don’t hesitate to ask your doctor for help through this! I’ve talked to so many friends and moms of both twins and singletons that didn’t realize how anxious they were until they got through it and look back on it (myself included) – you’re not alone, so don’t be afraid to address this with anyone to help you through it!
For breastfeeding, most local hospitals have lactation consultants on hand who will gladly help you get the proper latches and holds for tandem feeds and help you know how much your babies are getting fed. They can troubleshoot other areas of concern too to try to help avoid clogged ducts and mastitis which is more common in the early stages of breastfeeding especially for twin moms.
Introduce the bottle: Breastfeeding or not, introduce a bottle during this timeframe, unless you want to be tethered to your babies for the entire duration of milk production! Breastfeeding experts will tell you it causes nipple confusion; real moms will tell you there’s no harm in giving them a bottle! It will allow you to get babysitters, go on outings, and leave the babies for little periods of time ie: save your sanity. This also will help you transition back to work if doing so outside the home.
Know baby safety basics: You probably took a quick refresher course prior to the babies’ arrival, but it never hurts to brush up on safety now that they’re here! Know safe sleep and safe swaddling techniques. Know infant CPR. Make sure your car seats are properly fitted and you’re buckling the babes in correctly. Know what medicines infants this young can take for their first (heaven forbid) cold or illness (Hint: They can’t take any until after 3 months or until they reach appropriate weights.) Keep the new babies safe from older siblings. (Sounds funny, but toddlers love to LOVE infants which is adorable and terrifying). Know how to make bath time safe and fun! Also, steer clear of crowds of people during cold and flu season, and don’t be afraid to be that mom who requests people wash their hands before holding the babies. And save yourself the time – no need to baby proof much yet since the babies aren’t mobile!
Set up Doctor appointments/vaccination schedule: All practices are unique, but you’ll likely have appointments at the 1 and/or 2 week mark and 2 months if all looks okay and normal. Know what to expect at each appointment by asking ahead of time what the appointment entails.
Get the right stuff: Having the right gear and goodies is a game changer in twinfanthood. You’ll want:
- Zippered footie pajamas (or magnetic closure) – So many cute pajamas have snaps, but trust us, after a few weeks of wake ups and seemingly endless diaper changes, you’ll be reaching for and constantly laundering anything that’s easiest. Lining up snaps at 3am is just added torture.
- Plenty of diapers and wipes – Always have a case of the next size up on hand. If your babies are a normal size and eating well, you’ll be amazed how quickly they move from NB to size 1 to size 2 and maybe even 3 in this timeframe. If they’re peeing through often or having blowouts, go up a size!
- Burp cloths and swaddles set up around the house for convenience
- Bottles – For some, this is a challenging game of trial and error. Things to consider are reducing gas/colic and also ease of cleaning/parts
- Baby seats/carriers – Anything to safely put the babies down while rotating feedings, getting ready, folding laundry, etc. You’ll want ample easy and safe ways to go hands free, like Rock n Plays, bouncers or DockATots. You’ll also want baby carriers to use for outings and around the house, like the Solly Wrap or Ergo Baby.
- Vitamin D – essential if your babies are breastfed
- A Play Gym and Play Mat – essential for development and entertainment, these can keep your babies active and awake between feedings and naps
- Stocked diaper bag – diapers, wipes, burp cloths, a nursing cover, breast pads, pacifiers, a blanket, snacks for yourself, and don’t forget outfit changes, and if your twins are boy-girl, make things easy and pack gender neutral essentials for your diaper bag!
Set up Newborn Photos: This could be an easy one to forget, but if you’d like to document the fresh, wrinkly, fuzzy, beautiful infants that are yours, book a photo session or take plenty of your own! If you plan to do this, don’t forget their outfits, diaper covers, blankets or hats/hair accessories you’ll need ahead of time. If the photos are at your home, keep your place nice and warm so they’re comfortable and sleepy.
Get to work: Sex, exercise and yes, going back to work all resume in this timeframe, which could be the best or worst news ever depending on your perspective. Either way, it’s a lot to stay on top of (pun intended) and even comprehend making time for at this point so make sure your return to each of these, um, activities, is a good one.
Sex: Most women get the OK from the doctor at their 6 week check. And most women leave that appointment with mixed emotions. (Can’t my body be my own for a second?! My body is for the babies now. Oh good, time to reconnect with my husband. I’ve had enough in me, I don’t want more!) No matter your delivery method, there was a lot of shifting around and pressure happening down there for months, and sex will likely not be super comfortable at first. Don’t feel badly if you talk to friends who had an easy transition back to this. Unless they had twins, they can’t possibly relate to the burden your body took on for months. Talk to your doctor about certain positions and techniques to ease back into it, and use plenty of lubricant, especially if you’re breastfeeding.
Exercise: Again, this could be a huge priority for some, and for others, the furthest thing you’re ready to embark on. And that’s ok! For me, I craved movement. Not even exercise per se, just movement. My body was so weak following a hard pregnancy and recovery that suddenly, I just wanted to move, albeit being completely and totally exhausted. Get the doctor’s ok, and start small and slowly. Talk to someone who can give you specific exercises to start. No need to overdo it! Keep it simple – If it feels ok, continue. If it hurts differently from normal muscle tension or you’re getting pain in your lower abdomen or scar area, scale back.
Work: Ah, the stress. Returning to work never seems to come in optimal timing. It’s tough. Let’s just take a moment to say, whether you work outside the home or from home or you stay at home, all mothers work and work hard. Yes, it’s a different type of stress and a different type of work depending on the role, but as twin moms, we’re all next level strong and operate with magical multitasking skills and badassery. Let’s just call it what it is. If you plan to stay home, plug in to a moms of multiples group to get you out and prevent you from feeling isolated. If you’re going back to work, make sure you have your childcare schedule set, and maximize your maternity/paternity benefits through your employer. Many employers offer additional time (paid or unpaid), or they might offer a flexible return to work schedule. Some offer discounts on childcare services or concierge services. All employers should also accommodate nursing mothers, so be sure to talk to your boss about expectations for this going forward.
Watch for Milestones: As always, talk to your pediatrician if you have any concerns, but just a few things to keep an eye for and have fun with at around the 2 month mark include: (All from the ASQ-3 Questionnaire)
Communication: Do the babies coo or make gurgling sounds? Do they smile when you talk to them?
Gross & Fine Motor: When the babies are on their backs, do they kicks their legs? Do they turn their heads to the side when on their tummies? When on their backs, do they wiggle and squirm? When on their tummies, do they hold their heads up for more than a few seconds? Do the babies grasp your finger if you touch the palm of their hands? If you place a toy in their hands, do they hold it briefly?
Problem Solving: When you move, do the babies follow you with their eyes? Do they look at objects 8-10 inches away? When you dangle a toy above your babies while they’re lying down, do they wave their arms toward the toy?
Prepare for what’s to come:
- Check in with your help – What’s working and what isn’t working? Do you crave your space? What needs to change going forward?
- Communicate openly and honestly with your partner – Communication is key. You’ve been through a ton, and I’m sorry to report, it’s not necessarily going to get easier soon! The babies’ sleep patterns will change soon, so will their food demands, so will their mobility. So communicate like crazy. Don’t harbor anger or bitterness or a “you have no idea what I’m going through” mentality – talk it over! Infant twins are the biggest test on a relationship. It’s sink or swim. And you’ll have your moments, believe me. But when you overcome such challenging moments together that only you two can connect on and relate to, you can get through this stronger than ever.
- Prepare for unpredictability – Those rascals! Right when you think you have something figured out, they’ll change! (Baby A loves a tight swaddle then suddenly needs his arms out. Baby B nurses really well, then gets distracted. Baby A sleeps like a champ, then wakes up consistently from midnight to 6am. WHAT! All normal.) Be aware that sleep regression is normal around 4 months and a growth spurt is normal around 5 months, increasing milk demands and making you question yourself yet again.
3-6 Months:
And the quest continues to make it to the half-year! Your babies will start to have more personality, and for me, twinfanthood started to get a little more fun during this timeframe. (They’re smiling! They’re giggling! They actually DO love me back!) They know you, and they’ll start to notice and interact with each other more, which makes the insanity of twins completely worth it. While it’s a fun time, it’s also challenging with some changes on the horizon like sleep regression (which implies they were actually sleeping to begin with?), growth spurts, possible teething and mobility (rolling!) added to the mix.
Prep for sleep regression: As if life hasn’t been difficult enough, right?! You might finally start telling people you’re coming (slightly) out of the fog, and then BAM! For whatever reason, sleep regression tends to hit many babies around the 4 month mark due to developmental changes, change in sleep patterns or different sleep demands. For twins, this means no more schedule and less consistency (for now), and it’ll send you right back into the tailspin of sporadic wakeups and very little sleep. This can take anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months to shake off and depends entirely on the babies’ abilities to self-soothe and not wake during the night. And, you guessed it! Each twin will probably do this on his or her own time frame. Never together. Because that would be too easy, right?! Ah! The agony. Try to set a consistent sleep routine, including a calming environment for the babies so when they wake up there’s not too much activity, put them back to bed awake yet sleepy (so they can learn to fall back to sleep on their own), and try to associate darkness with nighttime aka sleeping. Best wishes, mama. Get the coffee pot ready.
Amp up milk supply: 3 and 6 months is a common time frame for baby growth spurts, so be prepared for increased demand for feedings. Your twins might seem to have an insatiable appetite, which can be frustrating, exhausting and confusing. If you’re breastfeeding, remember to take care of yourself by hydrating plenty during this timeframe, and you can up your pumping frequency to try to amp up supply. You can also supplement with formula, which is perfectly healthy and nutritious for those growing babes!
Look for teething signs: Maybe it’s the drool. Maybe it’s the fussiness. Maybe it’s the fact your nipple just got bit. Some signs garner more attention than others that a tooth is on its way. Like so many developmental things, there’s a wide range of “normal” for tots to sprout a tooth, but a typical timeframe is around 5-6 months. So if you notice excess drool, a rash, changes in sleep, swollen gums, or more biting on toys than usual, keep an eye out for that pearly white to peek through.
Ditch Black & White: Yay! It’s believed that at around 5 months, your babies will be able to see color! They should also enjoy seeing their reflections and should grasp for things that stimulate their vision, so keep toys within reach, and make sure you’re reading to them with picture books!
Reassess baby safety:
Mobility: With twins, it’s easy to get in the habit of setting a baby essentially wherever to grab the other baby or to quickly free up a hand, and up until this point, you don’t have to give it much thought! Couch? Perfect. Changing table? Ok. Kitchen table in a lounger? Fine! But, alas, all easy things must come to an end. Babies can roll from tummy to back as early as 4 months and can roll from back to tummy by about 5-6 months. So take extra caution when setting down your bundles and make sure they’re never left unattended on a surface they could fall from. And, in case you missed the memo, twins are like a little Houdini when it comes to escaping things, so if you’re questioning if something is safe, it’s probably not safe enough. (This goes from now until they’re ready for college basically) 😉
Medicine: Know that the correct dose to give your infants is based on weights, not age. That said, you can typically start to administer infant acetaminophen after 3 months and infant ibuprofen after 6 months of age (again, make sure their weights are within the appropriate safe range). Never give your babies aspirin, cough or cold medicine, chewable meds or honey.
Go shopping: By now, you might be out of your maternity clothes. And no shame if you’re still sporting the lounge pants, those things are heaven. You’re probably caught between maternity clothes are too big and your old clothes are too small or too impractical for nursing or too … something. So, similar to easing into a maternity wardrobe while pregnant, give yourself some grace while easing back to normalcy. This might include higher waisted jeans in a bigger size (not maternity jeans), compression leggings, comfy slip on shoes (yes, my feet grew while pregnant), and some soft, comfortable tops with easy access for nursing and easy laundering instructions because, milk, spit up, food spills, life. You’ve been through a crazy 6+ months, you might as well be comfortable!
Watch for Milestones at 4 months:
Communication: Do the babies chuckle softly? Do they make sounds when looking at toys or people?
Gross & Fine Motor: While they’re on their backs, do they move their heads from side to side? While they’re on their tummies, do they hold their head straight up, looking around? When holding a toy, do they wave it about (even briefly)? Do your babies hold their hands open or partly open (rather than in fists)?
Problem Solving: When you move a small toy up and down slowly in front of your babies’ faces, do they follow the toy with their eyes? When you put a toy in their hands, do they look at it or put it in their mouth?
Personal-Social: When in front of a mirror, do your babies smile or coo at themselves? When you babies see the breast or bottle, do they seem to know they’re about to be fed?
Watch for Milestones at 6 months:
Communication: If you call your babies when you’re out of sight, do they look in the direction of your voice? If you copy the sounds they make, do they repeat the sounds back to you? Do they make high pitched squeals?
Gross & Fine Motor: Do your babies roll from back to tummy, getting both arms out from under them? While your babies are on their backs, do they lift their legs high enough to see their feet? Do your babies get into crawling position by getting on their hands and knees? Do your babies pick up small toys with only one hand? Do they grab a toy you offer and look at it, wave it, or chew on it for about 1 minute?
Problem Solving: When the babies are on their backs, do they turn turn their heads to look for a toy when they drop it? Do they pick up toys and put them in their mouths? Do they play by banging a toy up and down on the table or floor?
Personal-Social: While on their backs, do they play by grabbing a foot? Do they put their foot in their mouth? Do they try to get a toy out of their reach by crawling, rolling or pivoting?
Prepare for what’s to come:
- Get outside! With their neck strength increasing, you’ll be able to put the twins in a jogging stroller to get about town! You can also finally apply sunscreen, though keeping them in the shade and covered with a sun hat or clothing with SPF is still your best bet.
- Baby proofing – Your tots will soon become little explorers, learning to crawl and prop themselves up and grab at things. Get a head start on baby proofing the basics, like electrical outlets, stairs, sharp edges, fragile decor, pet food bowls or kitty litter and house plants.
- Solid foods – Oh, the adventures that await you in the food department! The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months, but most babies are ready to add solid foods around the 4-6 month mark as a complement to breastmilk or formula.
- A lot of fun – Your twins will start interacting a lot more with each other and with you, giving you a lot of joy and laughs that you didn’t see coming in those foggy early days. They’ll also require a lot of energy as they’ll start to get into more, but that’s ok because (hopefully) you’re finally sleeping in longer stretches!
6 – 9 Months:
Mama, you’re doing it! Happy Half to you! And the half year might feel like 3 weeks or it might feel like 3 years, but you’re doing it. You’re figuring it out, moments and days at a time, unable to remember so much of those early days and baffled as to where the time has gone. Hopefully you’re sleeping a bit more and enjoying things more, so come up for air and get ready for a fast and fun, mobile and messy trek towards the one year mark.
Get moving and baby proofing: Remember when your twins would just lay there, and you’d cheer them on as they attempted to roll, and you wanted them to move and even encouraged it?! Wow, those were the days. Now that they’re mobile, you might be wishing for some of those lazy infant days back! Have fun watching them explore their world, and set up little stations where they can be curious and adventurous without much hassle for you or risk to them. Start simple with baby proofing: stair ways or steps, outlets, cords, pet things (food and litter boxes), sharp corners, and house plants. Also, be aware if they like to be next to each other, not to sleep them side by side or position them too closely as their mobility can pose a risk to them.
Get outside: Did you know? Approximately ⅓ of your life will now be spent slathering sunscreen on your twins! Kidding. But applying sunscreen to two wiggly babes is no joke! Since sunscreen isn’t recommended for babies prior to 6 months of age, reaching this milestone is nice to have a little more freedom while getting fresh air and some vitamin D. Choose a hypoallergenic formula without the ingredient oxybenzone, and still have them wear sun hats and UV protective clothing like a rash guard.
Go for a jog: Ok, let’s not get carried away. But your twins’ neck muscles and head control should be strong enough to go in a jogging stroller by 6-8 months. So if you’ve been aching to take that BOB for a spin or sign up for a 5k, now’s your chance. Better yet, your husband can take the babes for a jog, and you can watch Bravo.
Say hello to foods: … and messy mealtimes and dirtier diapers! Besides age, you’ll know if your twins are ready to graduate from a liquid-only diet if they can hold their heads in a steady, upright position, sit up in their highchairs, they’re interested in your food (once this starts, does it ever stop?), and they’ve doubled their birth weights (or close to it). Give them food to supplement nursing or formula; this way, they fill up on nutrient-rich breastmilk or formula first. Start with 1 or 2 tablespoons of baby cereal mixed with breast milk or formula (1 T cereal per 4 T liquid to start), and don’t give it to them in a bottle. Once your babies get the hang of swallowing runny cereal, you can give single-ingredient foods. Remember to wait a few days between each new food. This way, if your babies have a reaction you’ll know the cause. Then you can add in other foods, and also introduce them to common food allergens at this stage too. Avoid cow’s milk, honey, anything that can be a choking hazard and fruit juice.
Upgrade your gear: It’s probably time to make some changes to your baby gear, if you haven’t done so already. Swap out their play gyms on the floor for an Exersaucer and walkers. Swap out the Boppy pillows for Bumbo seats. Add some essentials for your active little ones to your diaper bag, like sanitizing wipes, snacks, sunscreen, children’s Neosporin and Band Aids. If you plan to clock in any time at the beach or pool, make sure you have infant life jackets and sun protective clothing. And, make mealtimes as easy as possible with efficient and easy to clean high chairs and meal accessories.
Watch for Milestones at 9 months:
Communication: Do your babies make make two similar sounds like “ba-ba” or “da-da” or “ga-ga”? Do your twins follow one simple command, like “Come here” or “Give that to me” or “Put it back” without you using your gestures? Do your babies say three words that mean something, like “Mama,” “Dada,” or “Baba?”
Gross & Fine Motor: When sitting on the floor, do the babies sit straight up for several minutes without using their hands for support? Do your babies walk beside furniture while holding on with only one hand? If they’re holding on, do they lower themselves with control? Do they pick up a small toy with only one hand?
Problem Solving: Do your babies pass a toy back and forth from one hand to another? After watching you hide a small toy under a blanket or cloth, do they try to find it?
Personal-Social: Do your babies drink water, milk or formula from a cup while you hold it? Do they feed themselves a cracker or cookie? When you dress your babies, do they push their arms through the sleeve once their arm is started in the hold of the sleeve?
Prepare for what’s to come:
- More movement – Your babies will be crawling and possibly walking soon! Get a head start on this by properly baby proofing, buying footwear to accommodate your little movers, and get ready for some bumps, scrapes and bruises along the way!
- More food – As they grow, so will their appetites! They can have essentially whatever you eat at this point, as long as it’s not a choking hazard.
- Baby talk – Twin lingo is one of the perks of twins. Enjoy listening to your twins communicate with each other and with you! They should be able to understand some basic commands at this point, and they’ll have a few words of their own!
- More kids – Haha, Just prepare yourself for the question! As soon as your littles turn one, people automatically ask when the next baby or set of babies is coming, both curious as to the response and thinking they’re funny. Based on your wishes for your family, this will help determine the amount of baby stuff to store, sell or purge at this point!
- Party time – Get ready to plan a fun little birthday shindig for your little ones and for you. This celebration is just as much about you!
9 – 12 months! O N E Y E A R !
I once heard from a friend’s grandma that in order to properly assess a relationship with someone, you must go through every season with that person. In this case, persons. You’ve made it! You’ve done it. You’ve survived every season with these tiny humans, and crazy enough, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. And now that you reflect back, I hope you’re incredibly proud of yourself. While you’re still in a whirlwind and far from smooth sailing, you’ve come SO far! Remember that. You know why they’re crying (most of the time), and you can tell their cries apart! You know their favorite snacks and games and how to get the best giggles. You know what they’re prone to, who’s the “dominant” twin, who’s daring, who’s sensitive and what times of day get extra tough. You know what will trigger certain responses. You know what diaper, clothing and shoe size to buy. You know how to get out some serious stains. You know what they can handle, and you know what you can handle. You’ve made it to a place you couldn’t envision at one point in time, and you deserve a hug, high five, a long nap, and a big toast. Don’t be fooled: Their first birthday party is EVERY bit for you as it is for them. Congrats, Mama. You survived year one of twinfanthood!
Move over, baby: Where’d your babies go?! You’ll likely notice rapid development during this stage from feeding themselves, sleep becoming more scheduled (yay!), crawling and walking, talking, and even some reasoning skills. Your babies are now curious, adventurous tots! They can understand commands and are likely pulling at your heart strings with some adorable words of their own. Their hand-eye coordination will be improving, along with their problem solving skills! So be aware that anything you have visible and within arm’s reach will likely be handled and put in their mouths, so baby proof appropriately! They can also eat whatever you’re eating, as long as it’s not a choking hazard. Enjoy this time of watching them grow, learn and develop their unique personalities.
Let’s party: Whether you have a bash or a small family get together, have fun celebrating the survival of twinfanthood! Remember to make each baby their own cupcake or little smash cake – the photo is just too precious to pass up! (And of course, we want to see the photos when this happens :)).
Watch for milestones at 12 months:
Communication: If you ask your twins to, do they play at least one nursery game even if you don’t show them the activity (“Peeka-boo” or “So Big”)? Do your babies say at least 3 words? When your babies want something, do they tell you by pointing to it?
Gross & Fine Motor: Do the babies walk beside furniture while holding on with only one hand? Do your babies stand up in the middle of the floor by themselves and take several steps forward? Do they put toys down, without dropping it, and then take their hands off the toy? Do they throw a small ball with a forward arm motion? Do they help turn pages of a book?
Problem Solving: Do they drop two small toys, one after the other, into a container like a bowl or box or toy bin? After you scribble on a piece of paper, do the babies copy you by scribbling?
Personal-Social: Do your babies play with a doll or stuffed animal by hugging it? Do they roll or throw a ball back to you so you can return it to them? When you hold out your hand and ask for a toy, do they offer it to you, even if they don’t let go of it?
Prepare for what’s to come: Toddlerhood!
- Discipline – Consistency is key, especially when it comes to multiples who will take cues from one another and learn rapidly to test you on what is ok and what isn’t. Their tiny stature can hold some big attitudes. Make sure you, your partner and your childcare providers are all on the same page when it comes to discipline. Do not tolerate any sort of biting, hitting or pinching as they begin to test boundaries.
- Silence is NOT golden – It’s amazing the mess twin toddlers can create in a rapid amount of time. One second they’re playing nicely and the next second, there’s shaving cream and toilet paper everywhere! Just remember, as wonderful as it is, silence is not golden. It’s suspicious.
- Teammates – Have fun watching your twins develop an adorable bond. They’ll be each other’s playmates and teammates, and they’ll discover uncharted territory together. As adorable as this “meeting of the minds” is, it can work for or against you, and twins scheming together are like their own little army of stubborness, creativity and determination.
- One on one time – Toddlerhood will bring about even more comparisons between your twins. It’s important to encourage their bond while appreciating their unique differences, and clocking in some one on one time with each twin to focus on their interests and strengths will become imperative. This “unshared” time will be valuable to you to develop your bond with each child too.
- Development – It’s fun, overwhelming and a little crazy to watch your babies become talking, walking, reasoning, determined kids. In this season of toddlerhood, you’ll watch their coordination develop and their interests in specific activities grow, they’ll start to reason with you, negotiate, watch your every move, copy you, test boundaries, have opinions, potty train, learn colors, numbers, shapes and letters, and their imaginations will soar.
- Fun – Yes, twin toddlers can and will be exhausting. They are little tornadoes. And sometimes you’ll wonder if you’re making any progress. You’ll wonder what you accomplished in a day and how everything you’ve done can get undone so quickly. Twin toddlers are busy. But they are also interactive, curious, sweet and hysterical little humans that you made from scratch! The stories you will have are ones you will treasure, and even some of your most stressful moments you’ll look back on with laughter hours or days later. They adore you. You are their world. So have fun embarking on this crazy adventure with them, and enjoy this fun, sweet, crazy stage of twin toddlerhood.
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So there you have it – the highs, lows and everything in between to prepare for and get you through the first year of twinfanthood. We get it. There are moments you’ll cry because time is moving too slowly (how is it only 10am?), and there will be moments you cry because time is flying and you just want to savor it and push pause. You’ll think you have the hang of it, and “it” – whatever it is – will change. Talk about a juxtaposition of emotion. You’ll need the help yet yearn for privacy. You’ll want to get out but don’t have the energy. You’ll want to have “me” time and then you’ll miss the chaos and feel guilty for taking time for yourself. You’ll finally get time with other moms to realize they don’t understand your situation, as you watch them blissfully unaware of the battle of never having a free hand. You want to enjoy one baby, but your mind is constantly shifting like you’re watching a tennis match, and you feel badly that you’re never fully present. You and your spouse will be exhausted and at odds. The grocery bill and credit card statement will seem insane between the diapers, wipes, formula, gear, clothing and childcare. But somehow, you’ll come out of the fog, out of the craze, out of the ‘twinsanity’ of the first year and realize that you’re a better mother than you ever dreamt you could be. A better human. You and your spouse are better teammates and have more respect for each other. You didn’t know if you’d make it. But here you are. And you didn’t just survive; you thrived. You had your moments, but you kept going. Keep on keeping on. Continue to find that inner grit, inner confidence and know that you’ve got this – Let the games begin! Welcome to Toddlerhood.
XO
T I P S for T W I N S
